Reasons Not to be Vegan

Reasons Not to be Vegan

Those crazy vegans are always pushing their lifestyle on others, trying to get people to stop using animals with cute catchphrases like “Eat food not friends”. But what if we don’t want to be vegan? I mean, who would want to wear that label and eat rocks and twigs all day?

For those who have had enough of these compassion-pushers, there are a whole host of reasons not to be vegan. We couldn’t possibly list them all here, but below is a short list of defenses for those who don’t want to partake in the extreme and judgmental life of a pale white skinny dying animal rights activist.

1. We don’t care about the animals. Animals are lower forms of life, don’t have a consciousness, or feel pain. They probably don’t mind being slaves to humans, caged in unsanitary conditions, raped, pumped with hormones and vaccines, separated from their offspring, milked, ground up in shredding machines, beheaded, or otherwise slaughtered after watching their friends and family go through the same. Plus God put them on earth for humans to use at our discretion, so we may as well leave our hearts at the door and exploit them for all we can.

2. We don’t care about our health. Living a long and healthy life isn’t very important to too many people. It doesn’t matter what we put in our bodies or what effects those foods have on us, and eating animals doesn’t have any negative impact on our health. We can ignore the acid-forming properties of the complex proteins and saturated fats that come with eating animals, the residue from the hormones, vaccines, and other chemical treatments they experience, and the diseases and ailments like cancer, diabetes, osteoporosis, heart disease, and a few other fun ones that are linked to consuming animals. Plus fruits and vegetables aren’t “real” food, never mind the fact that they have the highest nutritional density (especially when raw), they’re the easiest for our bodies to digest, and have been proven to reverse and cure almost every kind of ailment out there.

3. We don’t care about the environment. The earth may not be our only home, so it doesn’t really matter how we treat or damage it. Regardless of the primitive forests, virgin prairie land, rivers, lakes, or oceans that are decimated [link to Environment page] for animal agriculture, it’s always worth it to put a dead animal on our plates or bodies. Maybe one day NASA will finally build their fantastical communities on other “planets”, so it doesn’t really matter if we raid Mother Earth for her precious resources. Plus, acres of endless cattle pastures, industrial factory farms, and slaughterhouse buildings are far more eco-friendly and aesthetically pleasing than nature in its created state. Forget about the environment and keep consuming animals. Everyone’s doing it.

4. There’s no reason to be loving and compassionate. In this day and age you gotta be tough. Showing emotion, being vulnerable, extending love, and acting out of kindness is for the weak and feeble. We need to mold to society, go-go-go in our smart cars hooked up to our smartphones, download our culture and opinions from the masses, and make sure to keep up with the Jones. If we stopped eating and using animals, that might be considered an act of compassion, which we wouldn’t want to be associated with. We could lose our job, our loved ones, or even worse someone on Facebook might find out. We should just remain content, living cold lives blinded to the death and destruction we participate in when we consume animals, as love and compassion are overrated and only exist in fairy tales.

5. We don’t believe in karma. What goes around doesn’t come around. When we do good deeds we don’t experience any rewards, and when we do wrong nothing bad comes our way. We can live our lives the way we want, as long as we get enough protein [link to Where do you get…?] or eat enough animal carcasses and secretions, and it doesn’t really matter what lives are sacrificed for our better good. Karma won’t come back to bite us since it doesn’t really exist, so no need to show love for other beings or care about how our actions effect them.

6. We think we’re carnivores or omnivores. When we see a cow, pig, chicken, or fish, our taste buds begin to tingle and our mouth begins to salivate. We instantly think about using our lighting fast speed to catch our prey with our sharp claws, sink our fangs into its body, and eat everything we can from our self-earned meal. We’re not attracted to the vibrant colors, scents, or textures of fruit, vegetables, and herbs, it’s much too difficult to pick fruit, berries, and melons, and we don’t like anything that’s sweet or gives us instant energy. And if humans weren’t supposed to eat animals then why are they made out of meat? And muscle, tendons, veins, bones, and blood. Just what we crave.

7. Being vegan is too difficult. It’s almost impossible to abstain from eating and using animals in this world. It’s far too challenging to fill our grocery carts with fresh produce, order non-animal options from restaurant menus, buy from vegan companies, or use any of the many alternatives to animal products on the market today. Our indoctrination and conditioning runs too deep to break the spell of being tricked into acting like carnivores and omnivores, so we may as well just give up hope and keep consuming animals so we don’t have to inconvenience ourselves in any way.

8. We don’t want to be “that guy” (or girl). Vegans can be so extreme. They’ve earned a bad rap by pushing their beliefs on other people in support of kindness to animals, so we wouldn’t want to be associated with anyone like that. Plus all vegans at pasty, white, skinny, and sickly looking (oops, forgot to run a web search for vegan bodybuilders) so we wouldn’t want to deteriorate to that level. It’s also more important to consider what other people think of us than the confinement, torture, and death the animals get to experience so we can turn them into consumer products. Our image is everything, and our actions mean nothing, so by all means we should keep supporting animal cruelty to protect our status and social standing.

9. Animals just taste so good. Whenever we go out and catch an animal with our bare hands in the wild, rip it apart with our teeth, and eat it’s raw flesh and blood, its gotta be one of the best tasting meals on earth. Well, except for the fur, hair, or scales. It never needs to be cooked to carcinogenic levels, covered with spices and sauces made from plants, or packaged with cute cartoons or slogans to make it tolerable. And of course our taste buds are more important than the lives of innocent animals.

10. We have no sense of spirituality. Spirituality is hocus pocus for tarot card-reading new age yoga millenials. We obviously came from an accidental and random bang creating everything out of nothing, evolved from primordial soup to monkeys to humans, spinning around on a magical globe at over a thousand miles an hour, hurtling through outer space as a fleck of nothingness in a vast universe full of galaxies, solar systems, and aliens. We are virtually insignificant, as are the other forms of life on Mother Earth, with no sense of higher spirit or calling to do the right thing by living in peace and harmony. There’s no reason to care about the energy stored in an animal’s body after the life of slavery it endures, that it’s soul has been robbed for the greater good of making hamburgers or leather couches, or how those things would affect our souls and spirits.

11. We just don’t care in general. If we’ve consumed enough alcohol, fluoride, junk food, GMOs, TV, mainstream media, news, and entertainment, then we can be perfectly happy walking around like zombies eating or using animals in any way we can. There are much more important things in life to worry about, like celebrities, movies, sports, the latest technology, how we look, and of course our bank accounts so we can participate as much as possibly in the plastic consumer society. There’s no reason to care about animals or try to live our lives as our highest and best selves doing the least amount of harm possible to others. Simply put, it just doesn’t matter, so on we go supporting people who torture and kill animals for a living.

So there you are. If these 11 reasons aren’t enough to keep you from participating in animal exploitation then I’ll have to come up with some other ideas. It can be difficult to see why those crazy vegans would live the life they choose, so if you resonate with the logic above then there’s no reason to even consider trying to exist in a space of love and compassion.